Category Archives: The Weather

Living with Gaia’s Menopausal Symptoms

Gaia the mother planet we call home is getting on in years, at 4.54 billion years it’s safe to say that Mother is indeed middle aged and is facing all things female in some form or other, namely menopause.

It would seem that currently her emotions are running high with unpredictable mood swings sparking fires great and small around the globe. Thankfully her incontinence helps to quell fires here and there but when her hot flushes peak incontinence doesn’t help, instead firefighters and volunteers work around the clock in dousing and cooling her down.

You really know when Gaia is having a doona day, first there’s the calm before the storm – so far so good, then it gets a bit tricky as her stormy mood gathers in strength until it becomes a super storm with torrential rain falls, cyclonic winds, unpredictable mudslides come down hills and mountains, and sink holes open up, her anger morphs and triggers massive tornado’s, and then she stops. Exhausted. For now. If unpredictably angry enough she will give you the silent treatment, and when that happens expect a drought because she ain’t talkin’ until she’s good and ready, or she might never shower you with refreshments again if annoyed enough.

In her prime she was flirtatious and fertile, alas and alack now her fertility is irregular with many lands and waterways toxic, dried up and definitely…well…infertile.

Mating is out of the question too and her libido level now sits at around zero. Not only that Gaia’s mate Uranus lives too far away to have some sexy orbital fun with. Sol was interested in her for awhile but turned out he was too hot to handle and quite frankly, Gaia wasn’t interested, her desire to procreate dried up eons ago.

The old girl is tired; tired of the destruction, the pillaging, and the raping of her wondrous bounty some call the environment, nature, or natural resources, all of which she tended to, nurtured and produced. This is all very depressing for her and has cried rivers and lakes of tears – it’s a wonder her tears haven’t dried out, but that is yet to come.

Her crowning glory the rainforests are thinning rapidly and soon she’ll be wearing man-made fixes sitting as wigs beneath her crown.

Her nights are restless for she feels the stabbing pain through processes called fracking and drilling. “No rest! No rest!” she moans and groans with irritation, and as she does so, she rolls over this way and that until the movement produces a ripple within the earth’s plates, now moving, rumbling, and grumbling with annoyance at the lack of rest.

Because of her sleeplessness, she has become a little confused, and unable to concentrate properly at the job at hand. Seasons are changing ever so slightly, blossoms blooming earlier than before, rainy seasons a miss and hit affair. All in all, the weather patterns are a little askew and some might say Gaia’s memory ain’t what it used to be.

Our beautiful Gaia is also gaining weight though we can’t blame this one on her menopausal symptoms. Approximately 40,000 tonnes of space debris lands on her each year, and thus her weight gain can be excused as a natural evolution of her life.

Gaia - our home

Gaia – our home

Volcanic eruptions large and small around the globe are signs of her bloating and allergies; a normal symptom of menopause which Gaia herself suffers from.

Her land is becoming brittle, thinning, dried out, and is feeling rather apathetic about it all. However this too will pass and once her symptoms settle down, she will spring into action once again. How she will spring into action is an edge of the seat thriller for it will work in her favour, not ours.

Gaia has the gift of prophesy and has shown to mankind through visionaries what the future holds if steps are not taken now to reverse the damage. Most have not yet listened, but a movement has begun and like a wave of water, is accelerating rapidly. Maybe the tipping point, our event horizon has not yet been reached and it’s not too late for healing and renewal of Mother Earth.

Of course what the planet is experiencing could be taken as quite normal. We’ve only started officially recording the weather in the last two hundred years and we are 4.54 billion years old so we only have a sketchy idea what the weather was like back in the day.

Still, I like my version better 😉